My relationship with my hair
For years I was the girl with long hair. It was long and somewhat curly and wavy and downright unruly. I had a crown of curls at the front of my head that my mum affectionately called my lion's mane.
Let's flashback briefly to 2008 ish.
I cut my hair off. I didn't realise donation was a thing so that didn't happen and I effectively went for Victoria Beckham's haircut of the time. It was a long bob that was a little bit shorter at the back than the front. If I didn't straighten it I didn't like it. So for quite a few mornings I would half heartedly straighten the back (far too much effort) and that was it. From there I let it grow out again and like in my childhood sometimes went YEARS without getting it cut.
Now we are in 2013 and I am heading off to university and it's all very exciting. I learn about The Little Princess Trust which is a place you can donate your hair to that make wigs for girls and boys. For sometime I had been toying with the idea of a big chop again and didn't want to waste all of that hair. So in I go and get the big chop and get a haircut that just about hits my clavicle. Off to university I go and I am no longer the girl with really long hair and this is a bizarre part of my identity I didn't realise I held dear. It used to be a distinguishing feature 'Yeah you know Sophie the girl with bum length hair' and I wondered how people now described me. If I didn't know you closely I was rather shy and there wasn't much distinguishing about me other than I'm a bit shorter than average.
Time passed haircuts came and went (only ever in the forms of much needed dead end management) and again I think I want to donate. So I have trims to get the dead ends gone (once I had left it quite a while and had to have 3 inches taken off - whoops) and actively was leaving it to grow.
Finally 4 years later in the September of 2017 it was healthy enough and had a good amount to donate. I kept trying to donate more than the minimum length (which to be fair any length of donation is a good donation!) And now that I was finally happy with it I got it chopped. I felt ready. I NEEDED IT.
So now my hair was brushing my shoulders and I adored it. It felt fresh and light and thick. Before this I had felt down about my hair. It was always in the way and it was messy and I generally felt pretty meh about it all. Then came the urges. I liked this length this was a good length but what about...shorter?
Generally my relationship with my hair has been one of it exists and hey if it grows it grows. My hair generally grows quite fast not entirely sure why but that's what it does. But I had never had it this short before. Now heres the thing. I've just had it cut to above the shoulders (December 2017), hitting the jaw line. It's not THAT short! The idea of a pixie cut is tempting! My hair is the shortest it's ever been in my adult life and my thoughts keep being the same 'well I liked it that length so if it's too short I'll just wait till it grows a bit'.
We need to factor something in. My hair is an odd curly wavy texture dependent on the patch on my head. The front sections frequently coil into tight ringlets whilst the back sections stay wavy. So when I had my hair cut she straightened it to check it was even and I loved it. It felt so sleek and professional. Then I washed it myself and I became Shirley temple. Which isn't a bad thing! But it was a very different look. I started going 'do I like this?'
Answer is yes. I just was unsure.
Why am I telling you all this. Well here is why. For years I fought with my curly hair and hated it. It was either not curly enough or not straight enough. But I never really did anything about it because it was too much effort and so I left myself as the frizzy long haired girl for years. Maybe it's because I've grown older but only now am I starting to use products and looking at curly girl hair hacks which looking back would have been useful years ago. I started using the American Cream conditioner from Lush which is really helping with my hair texture.
The point is I have this dual relationship with my hair. Of not really caring much but also terrified of experimenting. So to that I say 'forget it. We're going to mess this up and enjoy it.' So I'm going to cut it and for the first time dye it (once I finally understand the difference between balayage, ombre, foils and all those other dye terms) and you know what?
What will be will be.
I know hair can be a complicated topic for some people. It can seriously impact your self esteem and self worth. I know I am in a position of privilege by having hair and hair that grows and it's easy for me to say love yourself no matter what your hair is. So instead I'll say this. Whatever your struggles and worries are I hope you find peace and happiness for yourself in whatever way that comes to you.
Below I've linked to the Little Princess Trust if you want to look into donating but please don't forget there are many others out there so search for one that makes you happy.
See you later,
Comments
Post a Comment