Dear September
Dear September,
You've come around quicker than I would have liked. That's not to say that I am unhappy to see you rather that I would have liked a bit more time before responsibility loomed over me again. It's hard being a semi-grown up. I've had to move out of the flat I have lived, nestled and hibernated in for the past 2 years to move on to new pastures. It's stressful but luckily with the help of a friend it was a little more bearable. Moving out was hard but moving in was harder. We had some bumps in the smooth road we expected but it's all sorted out now. All awkwardness melted away like the ridiculous amounts of ice that clung to the freezer drawers.
Moving out ended a chapter in my life and as you probably know I am not good with moving on. I don't get that excited thrill but rather the urge to cling to the past and what kept me comforted. I don't like to be uncomfortable but it's something I'm going to have to get used to. I like my new flat. The room is nice and it's taken some time but I've figured out where things are suppose to sleep at night (even if they do party on the floor or desk during the day).
Something exciting happened this month. My cousin got married! We haven't spoken to our family for a long time but after the events in January we reconnected. Sitting in the hall, almost late thanks to someone's shoes, it felt unreal to be sat there watching her walk down the aisle looking so beautiful. This person who I had vivid memories of a child. How we laughed on that summer holiday and the games we played. How we were determined to win toys from the grabber machines and the times we sat in my Auntie's house calm after a long day. Her wedding was Disney themed and looked so elegant with the whites and soft blues. The decorations twinkling on the tables and all of the tiny attention to details that were there. September, you know you have a great cousin when she gets on a mechanical bull in her wedding dress. I tried it too, aided by my other cousin who has grown so much I hardly recognised him but his cheery face is something you can't forget, but sadly fell off so quickly it was frankly embarrassing however the joy I felt from the freedom was great.
I didn't feel myself at the wedding. Or rather I should say my old self. I didn't feel like the small shy girl from all those years before. I talked to people I had never met and danced with them and laughed. I felt independent. Of course I had my family to talk to but I didn't use them as a crutch for once. I let myself converse and chat freely and it made me feel empowered. That's been happening a lot more over the last year or so. It's been a gradual change. People have called me chatty and easy to talk to. I was always a chatty child but as the teen years hit although I conversed I don't think anyone realised the hurdles I was jumping inside and the back flips my stomach was performing.
A week later from that joy and I was heading back to university and having to do adult things like sign up with a new doctor's, figure out how to get to the shops, get my head back into education mode and to be honest that last part hasn't quite happened yet. Stress has been a common feeling as you have ended September but there is nothing to be done about that now. September you have brought me both joy and stress but to be honest I think the joy you brought me will last longer than the stress ever could.
Thank you September. Thank you for being a month of consistency throughout my life so far.
Sophie
You've come around quicker than I would have liked. That's not to say that I am unhappy to see you rather that I would have liked a bit more time before responsibility loomed over me again. It's hard being a semi-grown up. I've had to move out of the flat I have lived, nestled and hibernated in for the past 2 years to move on to new pastures. It's stressful but luckily with the help of a friend it was a little more bearable. Moving out was hard but moving in was harder. We had some bumps in the smooth road we expected but it's all sorted out now. All awkwardness melted away like the ridiculous amounts of ice that clung to the freezer drawers.
Moving out ended a chapter in my life and as you probably know I am not good with moving on. I don't get that excited thrill but rather the urge to cling to the past and what kept me comforted. I don't like to be uncomfortable but it's something I'm going to have to get used to. I like my new flat. The room is nice and it's taken some time but I've figured out where things are suppose to sleep at night (even if they do party on the floor or desk during the day).
Something exciting happened this month. My cousin got married! We haven't spoken to our family for a long time but after the events in January we reconnected. Sitting in the hall, almost late thanks to someone's shoes, it felt unreal to be sat there watching her walk down the aisle looking so beautiful. This person who I had vivid memories of a child. How we laughed on that summer holiday and the games we played. How we were determined to win toys from the grabber machines and the times we sat in my Auntie's house calm after a long day. Her wedding was Disney themed and looked so elegant with the whites and soft blues. The decorations twinkling on the tables and all of the tiny attention to details that were there. September, you know you have a great cousin when she gets on a mechanical bull in her wedding dress. I tried it too, aided by my other cousin who has grown so much I hardly recognised him but his cheery face is something you can't forget, but sadly fell off so quickly it was frankly embarrassing however the joy I felt from the freedom was great.
I didn't feel myself at the wedding. Or rather I should say my old self. I didn't feel like the small shy girl from all those years before. I talked to people I had never met and danced with them and laughed. I felt independent. Of course I had my family to talk to but I didn't use them as a crutch for once. I let myself converse and chat freely and it made me feel empowered. That's been happening a lot more over the last year or so. It's been a gradual change. People have called me chatty and easy to talk to. I was always a chatty child but as the teen years hit although I conversed I don't think anyone realised the hurdles I was jumping inside and the back flips my stomach was performing.
A week later from that joy and I was heading back to university and having to do adult things like sign up with a new doctor's, figure out how to get to the shops, get my head back into education mode and to be honest that last part hasn't quite happened yet. Stress has been a common feeling as you have ended September but there is nothing to be done about that now. September you have brought me both joy and stress but to be honest I think the joy you brought me will last longer than the stress ever could.
Thank you September. Thank you for being a month of consistency throughout my life so far.
Sophie
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