Time is passing

Today I did something. Today I posted to my instagram. The last time I posted was on the 3rd of July 2015. Why haven't I posted since then?

I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

The last posts, the last two, had been of my dog. They had been of Fallon. They were taken before I went away on holiday, before I went on a placement, before it happened. Before she passed.

A part of me never wanted to post again. To keep it stuck in time as if I could keep some part of the past still alive. It also felt as if nothing was good enough to post after her. No pretty selfie, no pretty cake or pretty landscape could compare to what I had last posted. Nothing could surpass how pretty she was.

I posted today. It was spur of the moment, a thing during my procrastination, but I knew I needed to change it. It would have to happen eventually.

So what did I post?

A picture of her again. This time it was different though. This time I knew the picture that I chose was one of the last of her I had ever took. You never know it will be the last picture until it is too late. I never feel like I have enough pictures of her. Perhaps that is what is spurring me on to take even more of my other dogs. To not feel this regret. Then again, do we ever have enough pictures of our loved ones?

I don't think so.

I realised today for no reason in particular that I couldn't live in the past. It's almost been a year since she left. Time is moving without her. Just because there are pictures after her doesn't mean I will forget her. It does not mean she has been forgotten.

I don't know if I will ever get over her but then again we never do get over deaths. Not really anyway. They strike us deep and we have to learn to move on.

I know I loved her. I know I love her still. I always will.

I just wanted to let the world know that.

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